When “Your Energy Attracts Everything” Becomes a Trap and the Moment I Chose to Grow

It was an upsetting day.

My son was triggered when his request wasn’t accepted.

He suddenly became very angry, hitting and chasing me around.

I was terrified, I attempted to stop him, but he couldn’t stop himself.

I hit him back, hold him, then locked myself in a room to protect myself.

He knock the door said he wanted me, when I came out and he saw me, he still wanted to hit and bite me.

I didn’t know what else to do, only to hold him tightly, to keep him from hurting me or himself.

I feel helpless, I couldn’t help him calm down at all…

After some time, he finally hugged me, crying, saying he wanted me and was sorry for what he did.

 

But I couldn’t say sorry back.

Instead, I kept lecturing him about what he did.

Inside, I felt blank, confused, and angry.

Angry at him, and also angry at my husband, who had stepped out to throw rubbish and took a long time to come back.

All day, my husband had been easily irritated by small things saying I wasn’t listening when he talked, even though I was.

Each small complaint built up the tension inside me.

I recall, I saw a short video of a father who stopped his son from hitting the mother, saying firmly, “You don’t hit my wife.”

I realised I was expecting my husband to act like that to step in, to protect, to hold the situation.

But it didn’t happen, and I was angry.

Underneath that anger, I was replaying an old memory of feeling unsupported when I needed help most.

During the chaos, part of me kept wondering:

Did my son act like this in school too?

Did he hurt others when he felt frustrated?

Was he disturbed by something like an energy, an emotion he didn’t know how to handle?

When I hit him back, would that cause him trauma?

When I looked myself in the room, would that make him fear of losing me?

What was missing here?

What was this reflecting about me?

Was it my energy that causing all these?

 

I can now see more clearly that moment wasn’t just about his anger.

I was reliving my past, running through all my old experiences.

It was showing me my own deep fear of not being heard, not being supported, and losing control.

When I’m not heard, I push harder.

When I feel alone, I fight or blame.

When someone else is angry, I was fear and caught up in past, I don’t know what to do for this part of me.

This pattern between forcing, fighting, and fear are what I am here to heal.

The facts:

• My son is still developing nervous system,
• My husband’s coping habits,
• My reaction and coping habits.

Yet, I also see my progress.

In the past, I could be trapped in self-blame and confusion for days or even weeks.

This time, it took about an hour before awareness returned.

I facing anger and instead of avoiding it.

I could observe what my mind was thinking, how the old victim loop was trying to pull me back in.

And I could breathe through it.

That’s growth.

 

I realise now, my energy influenced my reality but I don’t control what happens in life.

life wasn’t punishing me and energy was not against me. It’s an opportunity to expand my capacity to stay human, even in chaos.

 

You are not punished by your energy, you are being invited to grow your capacity to stay human.