From Living Under Others’ Eyes to Living From My Own Truth

I used to feel like I must always act polite cannot make noise, cannot laugh too loud, cannot show anger, cannot break the rules.

When I was outside, I felt everyone was looking at me, judging me.

So I tried to behave “properly,” like what school taught follow instructions, wait for approval, always be well-mannered.

Over time, this belief became a heavy armor, I lived passively, waiting for others to tell me what to do.

I suppressed my behavior, my emotions, my words just to fit into what society expected of me.

In doing so, I disconnected from my own body and inner voice.

Now I see the truth:

1. People judge easily because it’s easier to point fingers at others than to look within themselves.
2. But most people are busy with their own drama. Actually, no one really cares what I’m doing.
3. The “judging eyes” I once felt were actually the reflection of my own inner critic.
4. The freedom I been looking for doesn’t come from being accepted, it comes from accepting myself.
   

 

Seeing this truth helped me shift and a door open for me.

Now I’m learning to listen to my own needs and feelings, as long as I don’t hurt others.

 

Recently, I also realized something deeper.

I still find it hard to express my anger in public, especially when someone treats me unfairly.

I tend to hold it in and avoid confrontation.

But this time, when I was treated rudely at a clinic,

instead of staying silent, I chose to express my feelings consciously.

I wrote a complaint letter with a clear intention, not to attack but to speak my truth.

I honored my feelings and allowed my voice to be heard.

And that, for me, was a huge step as I felt my anger and I want to release it out consciously. I do not want to pressing it down and later exploding at my loved ones. 

This, too, is part of my healing learning that expressing anger can be peaceful, respectful, and empowering.

 

Peace isn’t found in being liked or perfect, it’s found in being real.

Life is short; when I choose to be true to myself and cherish my loved ones, peace naturally follows. 🌿